Updated: Jun 28, 2022
A list of 49 things that I wish someone said to me in the early days following the loss of my son, Chayce.
Even though grief is a unique journey for everyone, I know reading a list like this would have helped me make sense of things a little sooner. So, I put this together in hopes it helps you in a small way;
You will never be the same person again.
Get prepared for triggers, they will come out of no where.
Avoid watching TV for as long as possible.
Loss/grief/death/trauma, brings out the best and the worst in families, BUCKLE UP!
Your final moments together will forever be burned into your mind. It will eventually become your favourite memory.
It will hurt 1000 times harder than you could ever have prepared yourself for.
The water hitting your back in the shower will feel like needles.
Emotional shock will make it hard to function or stand up straight.
People suck at dealing with grief, because we haven't been taught how.
You will grieve, in some way, forever.. There's nothing you can do about that fact.
Time certainly does not heal all wounds, forget what people tell you.
Not everything happens for a reason.
You don't ever need to justify your grief to anyone, full stop.
Work towards setting boundaries in all areas of your life and communicate them to those who should know them.
You will eventually start to move forward, but never on.
Grief will make you question your entire existence. Go with it. You might find your calling.
You will never get over your loss, but you will learn how to live with it.
Any emotion or thoughts you have is normal (but if bad thoughts persists its a good idea to seek help)
It's okay to speak about your pain, even if nobody wants to hear it. That's their problem, not yours. The sooner you learn that, the better.
Secondary loss is a thing.
TFMR = Termination for Medical Reasons
Some questions you have, will never have answers.
Your mind will be messy for a while. 'Griefy-brain'.
Some medical professions will be immune to the sadness you are going through.
Midwives are angels sent from above (most of them anyway).
You'll forever grieve for everything you will miss out on.
You are not going crazy even though it feels like it.
You will feel guilty about literally everything but its okay to live a full and meaningful life after loss.
Let yourself ride the wave of whatever you are feeling, it will pass.
Loss may scar your life, but it does not have to consume your life.
Grief is not linear, despite what you are told.
There are many Grief Theories that exist, educate yourself and live by one that you resonate with the most.
It might take you a while to find a Psychologist that you click with, keep searching.
I promise you, people will keep surprising you with their stupid comments.
How you choose to answer tough questions, is entirely up to you in that moment. Try not to beat yourself up on how you decide to respond.
Not everyone deserves to hear your story, but it's yours to tell.
Unsubscribe from all baby related emails, or get someone to do it for you.
You are not a 'freak' for loosing your baby and you are not alone.
You are still a mama, but you will be doing it a little differently to others.
Get that memorial tattoo.
Take one day at a time, sometimes you will need to take minute by minute.
Work can wait.
Try not to push your partner away.
It's okay to look after yourself as a priority.
Document everything / Journal.
Practice the art of gratitude.
Take photos, arrange as many keepsakes as possible. You will cherish them.
It's okay to laugh.
You didn't do anything to deserve this.
Sending love to you!
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