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Angelita's Story

Updated: May 27, 2023

In loving Memory of Angelita Luz Flores

On September 30,2021 I found out I was pregnant with you. I texted your dad to tell him we were pregnant. At 10:25 am I got to see your first ultrasound at 6 weeks & 2 days. Your dad as well, but through FaceTime. We fell in love and started picturing you with us, our second baby. I wanted your dad to get home so we both could tell your brother he was going to be a big brother .. He got so excited & hugged my belly. He even cried knowing he was going to have a little sister or brother, but he really wanted a little brother. We told him we won’t know what you’ll be until you get a little bigger in my belly. But ever since he knew I was pregnant with you, he showed you so much love by hugging & kissing my belly.

I had to go back in a month, so on November 3,2021 I went for my second appointment.

I got to hear your heartbeat for the first time, it was the most beautiful music I had ever heard. As well your dad, he got to hear it through FaceTime.

I was told I was 11 weeks & 5 days and my due date was May 20 2022. Everything was good. I told your grandma & grandpa your due date, they were both happy because you could of been born on there birthdays. But we were still was wondering what will you be? She said I needed to go get my first scan appointment, so we set it up for November 11,2021.

Everything was going so great. Your dad got to go with me to your first scanning. You were excited to see him there because you couldn’t stop moving & that you were just staring at us the tech said. We were so happy. Everything was looking good, she said only thing she couldn’t get was a spine picture but it was okay because I was still early and sometimes things like this happen and to go upfront to make a appointment a week from now.

So me & your dad did go make an appointment for November 18, 2021. Dad couldn’t make it so we asked your auntie to go with us. She did and you were moving a little, but not too much. But this time you gave us your back because you auntie was telling you stuff but everything looked good the tech said, but still couldn’t find your spine clear on the ultrasound. But then said again I’m going to have to come back. But when we were leaving she said you have low fluid but nothing to worry about.

So I left that appointment still wondering... I had doctors appointment with my regular doctor on Dec 1 2021 so I went in, she checked everything but then told me the OBGYN physician, Doctor, is requesting an anatomy ultrasound of the baby to make sure all the organs are growing healthy. Recommended date to get it done was 12/2 & I asked her why nobody called me to tell me I had to get this done as I would of went right way .. Leaving this appointment I called to schedule the urgent appointment, which they told me I couldn’t because they haven’t received the papers. So I went back to my doctors office, told them to send the papers that they haven’t sent, so I can get the anatomy ultrasound done. They told me to call back tomorrow, so I did, but they didn’t have any appointments until December 10, @ 2:00pm.

So me & your dad went to this appointment together, this tech asked me if I knew why I was here, I said yes to check if our baby organs are growing well. We still didn’t know if you were a girl or boy, so we asked if she can see and to write it in a envelope.

But the tech started making worrying noises & movements. I don’t know but I started crying because I felt like something was wrong. So your dad asked her and she starts saying something about your kidneys both don’t work & something about your brain, that it could be tumour or cancer & also I didn’t have fluid, so you couldn’t move and so they can’t tell me your gender. Your dad started asking more questions, she just left the room said I’ll be back, that’s when the doctor came in and told us we have to terminate the pregnancy due to only 8 percent chance of you to survive! I broke down, the worst day of my life. I had a million things going through my head. How can this be true? How I am going to tell your brother? He was waiting for your arrival.

They sent me straight to my doctors. So I went straight to the office, so the front lady on the desk kept telling me to call tomorrow to make a appointment. I kept explaining to her why I was there & that they sent me from the scan room and that it was an emergency. I was crying in tears. She was not paying attention to me, so your dad told her in a loud voice we need to see my doctor and that they sent us here from the scan. So she got up & went to get someone. This nurse came out and told me she needed to speak to me alone without your father. I said okay, so they took me to this little room to ask me if I feel safe around your dad. Me crying in tears I said what do you mean, we just got the worst news of our lives. I need him next to me he's upset because your co-worker didn’t listen to us how do you expect us to react? So they went to get him & put us in the room to wait for my doctor & took blood work to find out your gender and to do your genetic testing.

While we were there we learn you were diagnosed with essentially anthyramions with bilateral multi-cystic dysplastic kidneys and no evidence of fetal bladder. In addition, it appears to be a large arachnoid cyst in the posterior cranium, absence of the cerebellum or enlargement of the cisterna magna. So the difference diagnose likely incudes the multicstic dysplastic kidneys, aneuploidy, joubert’s syndrome (autosomal recessive) and charge association. Your dad & I didn’t understand anything. To us, it was like is this true or not? I'd give the chance to go full term with 8% chance of you living but me & your dad we didn’t want to be selfish to bring you in to this world for you to suffer because I didn’t even know if you were suffering inside me now.

We didn’t even know how to tell your brother or even to tell him but I know I didn’t want to lie to him. So we waited until I learn on December 20 that you were a baby girl. So we sat with your brother & explained to him in a way he would understand. We told him that your egg didn’t hatch all the way so you will be passing away & he won’t be able to meet you but that he is still a big brother & he was a big brother to a sister. The reason we explained it like that to him is because he loves dinosaurs. He said he loved you no matter if you are here or not here. I had to get your termination done before Christmas, which it was going to be the December 22 & the 23 but I got a high fever the night of the 21st, so I went to UCI in Irvine emergency room on December 22 morning because I wanted to make sure you were still okay. But it turns out that I tested positive for COVID, so they won’t be able to do the termination. So I had high hopes that maybe I will get a ultrasound done & they would tell me everything was a lie but no, we are still going ahead with the termination.

I got to spend Christmas & New Years with you my love inside me. Your brother & dad & all the family enjoyed that time with you even though you were in my belly. So we waited so this COVID could pass and they gave us January 12 & 13 for your termination. The days keep getting close, so we had to look into getting your urn & finding the funeral place..

The day came to get everything done, the hardest part was that at the last minute they didn’t let your dad come in with us. So I had to do this on my own. They said due to COVID he can’t come in because I still tested positive but I didn’t have symptoms. I took a COVID test and it came out negative but at the hospital, it was still positive, so it didn’t make sense to me ..

I was broken more that we couldn’t have dad with us. I was 21 weeks & 6 days with you

On January 13,2022 you came in this world & left us. They asked me your name, I said Angelita Luz Flores. I said your grandma gave you Angelita because she said that name fits you and me being in the hospital Luz came to my mind so it fits you because you are our light even though you not here with us.. Your dad was getting everything for your funeral to get you cremated. So they told us it will take a month or so to get you but they picked you up fast & they set the day for your cremation to be done on January 24, 2022. I got to bring you home on January 26,2022 at 3:30 pm ever since then, you have been home with us and will always be home my beautiful baby girl.

We miss you so much. Your brother keeps me going because he talks about you every day. He keeps your memory alive even though you not here he still blames you for stuff. He is a proud big brother to his beautiful angel sister. We love you Angelita Luz Flores this is your story short but with a lot of love you left in us. How I wish thing were different.


USA Submitted 17/04/2022 Instagram: mommyof2i.a_

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