Trigger Warning: Baby loss
I am yet to say any variation of the “D”words in a sentence inclusive of Chayce’s name (death, died, dead etc).
I’ve said “I’ve lost my son” or “Chayce was born sleeping” but never any of the above.
No, I’m not in denial, my heart knows exactly what has happened and my brain is slowly overcoming the shock. I hate knowing that Chayce has gone to heaven.
I fully understand that these are just words - Common words that are used in everyday conversations.
But for me, as silly as it might sound to some, it just sounds too final - Way too morbid.
I hate saying or hearing any of those words because I don’t want it next to my beautiful boys name.
When I close my eyes I just want to see my little angels face looking back at me.
I want to convince myself that he is at peace.
I don’t want to imagine all the awful things that eventuate when someone passes away.
Precious babies are not supposed to die.
Parents are not supposed to outlive their kids.
It has got to be the cruelest aspect to life that thankfully majority of parents won’t ever have to experience.
But for those who have lost a child, well for me anyway.. I am just not ready to introduce any of those words into Chayce’s story.
So please, if you can remember, when you are speaking of Chayce, I ask if you could say he;
has gone to heaven,
has passed away,
has gained his angel wings,
is off to a better place
was too beautiful for Earth
was born sleeping
.. basically anything else.
But please try not to associate any of the “D”words with Chayce’s name.
Not yet anyway.. I’m just not ready to hear it.
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My heart seeps sadness for my daughter Tayla and Chayce's dad Mark.
Words for me, will never truly explain my pain.
It breaks me into little tiny pieces knowing you have to go through this crippling pain.
My message to Chacye
I am so sorry this has happened to you and us.
I cry about losing my grandchild everyday.
The items l bought for you in anticipation of staying over, are still lying in my bedroom.
I will miss you FOREVER until one day l will meet you.
Thank you for allowing me to hold you in the hospital. It was the most special moment that is embedded in me for eternity.
I believe your grandma and great grandmother are…
Only angels themselves can sleep with the other angels. He was too special, too beautiful for this world. love you CJ
Beautiful words about your handsome little man and your journey without Chayce.