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Triggering Questions After Baby Loss

Trigger Warning: Baby loss

I never knew these type of questions could be so triggering, but now that I have lost my child I honestly don’t know how to answer questions such as;

“How many children do you have” or

“Do you have kids?” or

“A holiday without kids, how peaceful! you must be relaxed?” or anything alike.

Now I am fully aware that I don’t have a sign on my forehead saying “I've lost my baby... No baby questions or comments please” and these strangers are not to know any different.

But I’m at a loss at how I'm supposed to navigate these questions and respond without being a rude cow.

Do I say I have one child or do I say none?

Do I say one child because I HAVE HAD a child or do I say none because I HAD a child that’s no longer here?

Do I say "oh yes I'm extremely relaxed on this holiday" or do I say "no I’m missing my son terribly"?

I don’t know what to respond with and I’m scared of the reactions I would get.

If I say “no children” then I instantly feel guilty because I know this is not true. I'm not ashamed of Chayce so why would I lie?

But if I say “one child” then the questions will flood in and I'm not always going to want to go into detail.

And if I tell them the truth then I don’t want them to feel guilty or for the conversation to get awkward, or for them to think I’m seeking sympathy.

I don’t even know why I’m worried about other people’s feelings but I do know I want to acknowledge Chayce at every opportunity.

It doesn't feel right to disregard his existence. It just adds to the torment.

These are actually questions I now dread to answer and that alone makes me sad.

I shouldn’t have to be sad. Then I get angry because I’m sad.. It‘s exhausting.

I find it especially testing when I’m filling out an application form and I get to the question “Do you have any children?”

I ponder on this for ages, staring at the question.

Should I answer

“One deceased child” or,

“No living dependents” or,

Do I simply answer with “No”?

I don’t know.. I don’t think I will ever know how to appropriately approach these questions.

I’m open to any suggestions on how bereaved parents would answer these types of questions, because I’m lost and overthinking - as per usual. So, I'd love to know what do you find works for you!

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