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Triggering Questions After Baby Loss

Trigger Warning: Baby loss

I never knew these type of questions could be so triggering, but now that I have lost my child I honestly don’t know how to answer questions such as;

“How many children do you have” or

“Do you have kids?” or

“A holiday without kids, how peaceful! you must be relaxed?” or anything alike.

Now I am fully aware that I don’t have a sign on my forehead saying “I've lost my baby... No baby questions or comments please” and these strangers are not to know any different.

But I’m at a loss at how I'm supposed to navigate these questions and respond without being a rude cow.

Do I say I have one child or do I say none?

Do I say one child because I HAVE HAD a child or do I say none because I HAD a child that’s no longer here?

Do I say "oh yes I'm extremely relaxed on this holiday" or do I say "no I’m missing my son terribly"?

I don’t know what to respond with and I’m scared of the reactions I would get.

If I say “no children” then I instantly feel guilty because I know this is not true. I'm not ashamed of Chayce so why would I lie?

But if I say “one child” then the questions will flood in and I'm not always going to want to go into detail.

And if I tell them the truth then I don’t want them to feel guilty or for the conversation to get awkward, or for them to think I’m seeking sympathy.

I don’t even know why I’m worried about other people’s feelings but I do know I want to acknowledge Chayce at every opportunity.

It doesn't feel right to disregard his existence. It just adds to the torment.

These are actually questions I now dread to answer and that alone makes me sad.

I shouldn’t have to be sad. Then I get angry because I’m sad.. It‘s exhausting.

I find it especially testing when I’m filling out an application form and I get to the question “Do you have any children?”

I ponder on this for ages, staring at the question.

Should I answer

“One deceased child” or,

“No living dependents” or,

Do I simply answer with “No”?

I don’t know.. I don’t think I will ever know how to appropriately approach these questions.

I’m open to any suggestions on how bereaved parents would answer these types of questions, because I’m lost and overthinking - as per usual. So, I'd love to know what do you find works for you!

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1 Comment

Chayce is your child, he was born, he is loved, he is cherished and he is missed. Yes I do have a child but unfortunately Chayce isn’t earth side. Tell the world - tell the truth and just say please no more questions. You will get the feel if YOU want to tell them more. Tayla you are a mum. Mark is a dad. Easy for me to say... stay strong. Believe that Chayce is watching over you each and everyday. It sux he was taken from you..... and for that it breaks my heart. Read my Maybe post..... love you both 💙💚🦋💐

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